| Location | Accrington, Lancashire |
| Age | 0 |
| Cause of Death | Still Birth |
| Date of Birth | 17/12/1978 |
| Date of Death | 17/12/1978 |
| Visitors | 2,147 since 14/02/2008 |
| Creator |
CHRISTOPHER AND I WOULD LIKE TO SAY A BIG THANKYOU TO ALL OF YOU WHO REGULARLY COME HERE AND LIGHT A
CANDLE. MANY MANY THANKS FRIENDS XXX Special thanks to Dot for keeping Christophers candles burning
xx
Tiny Angel
Tiny Angel rest your wings
sit with me for awhile.
How I long to hold your hand,
And see your tender smile.
Tiny Angel, look at me,
I want this image clear....
That I will forget your precious face
Is my one and only fear.
Tiny Angel tell me please,
Why you went away?
You were not here for very long....
Why is it, you couldn't stay?
Tiny Angel shook her head,
"These things I do not know....
But I do know that you love me,
And that I love you so".
MY STORY
My Baby Christopher was a six month gestation baby. He arrived early the week before Christmas of
1978.
He had three sisters at the time but now has five. Joanne, Lisa, Emily, Lucy and Danielle. Ten
nephews and nieces, Grandma and Grandad and Uncles and Aunties.
I think a lot of people have forgotton about little Christopher and he lives on in my heart only, he
was my only son but he was called back to God.
If he can get messages somehow I would like him to know that I think about him a lot and will never
forget the day he arrived and left........
In April 1978 I gave birth to my daughter Emily, she was perfect and beautiful. She is my third
daughter. Whilst in hospital I was told that I was not immune to Rubella, so I was given a
vaccination and told that I must not get pregnant within three months. I remember laughing at that
comment and saying "No Way".
Two months later, you guessed it, I was pregnant! Such a shock but hey, I'm a mum that’s all I
wanted to be, so one more is no problem. Then I remembered about the doctor's warning. I saw a
specialist who checked with the drug company who said that two months is the absolute limit to get
pregnant after the vaccination. I worked out that I got pregnant dead on two months. The specialist
told me that he thought it was a better option to have a abortion. I was around 24 weeks pregnant by
that time. Being very naive and not realising that I had a voice, opinion or rights I just cried
thinking that this is what I have to do. I was heartbroken, I could feel the baby inside me moving
around, how could I let it die? The doctor saw how upset I was and said I could carry on with the
pregnancy if I want to. It was like a reprieve to me and the baby. I was warned that the baby could
be deaf, blind or brain damaged. I would face that when it came, we cant pick and chose a perfect
baby, somebody has to love and care for the imperfect.
Almost a week before christmas at 26 weeks pregnant my waters broke. I didn’t know what it was
really as I had not experience it with the other babies. I called the doctor who came out and he
just told me to "play it by ear, carry on as normal".
I was in the supermarket the same day and bumped into the midwife. When I explained the story to her
she told me that I should be in bed and the waters may just replace themselves. But as a mother of
three children, going to bed was quite impossible. If i had known then what I know now I would have
made sure that I went to bed.
Two nights later as I was in bed I started to gasp for breath and had no energy to stand. My Mum was
staying and she held me while my husband called an ambulance.
At the hospital it was discovered that the placenta had broke away from the wall of the womb which
was causing bleeding. I was being monitored and checked regularly and midwife's listening to my
baby's heartbeat said it was a good strong beat.
I was drifting in and out of consciousness for what seemed like an eternity but was actually thirty
hours. They told me I was in labour but I only had back ache.
On Sunday afternoon 17th December 1978 I was told to push. I felt this feeling of something coming
out of my body, then lay back, turned my head to the door just to see it swinging to. I knew then
that was my baby in the arms of the nurse.
I cant remember feeling anything when I found out that the baby was a boy but he never breathed. I
was numb.
I do remember later the nurse asking me if I wanted to "see it". The biggest mistake I would ever
make in my life was to say no. I only said no because I thought that they would think I was weird. I
was always the person to think what other people would think. Now I wouldn’t give two hoots what
anyone thought.
Now I am so full of regret that I didn’t hold my baby Christopher in my arms and say goodbye. I
would have liked to see what he looked like and have a picture that I could keep in my heart
forever.
I have lately read that these days if your baby is stillborn you can have them for as long as
necessary and take them home even. I wish with all my heart that this had been made possible for
me.
Also, in those days, being young and naive I did not know what a 26 week fetus would look like and
you do not imagine for a minute that it is a perfectly formed little baby.
After that door swung to and my baby was gone I was taken to the new baby ward, I was in a cubicle
on my own but through the partition was a lady with twin boys, I could see through the frosted glass
she was sitting holding her babies and would get visitors cooing and ahhhing. I dont think that it
had sunk in that I wasnt pregnant anymore and my baby was not there.
I remember my Mum coming to see me and i smiled at her happily and said "Its a boy" I was so amazed
the baby was a boy.
I was next to that lady with twins for about three days before I was sent home.
On the day I was leaving the hospital as I walked down the corridor towards the exit, I felt a
pulling back, it was so strong the need to go back but I didnt realise what it was. I got outside
and was made to turn around and look back. Without realising it i was being pulled back, I had
forgotton something important, the pull was so strong. Being the people pleaser I am, I didnt want
to keep my parents waiting so I got in the car and we drove away.
I believe now it was Christopher pulling me back, how I wish I'd have turned back now and ran back
to him.
Because Christopher was born at 26 weeks there would be no funeral. Two weeks later and there would
have been. So that was it. Baby delivered, baby dead, go home and move on. I was told that I had
three lovely children at home. As if that made up for the little boy that didnt make it.
When I got home I was soon back into being Mum and cleaning and cooking. I cried a lot and couldnt
go out sometimes.
A few days after I got home a midwife turned up at the door and breezed in the house asking "Hows
Mum and Baby then"? I had to tell her that there was no baby. She was so apologetic, but it should
never have happened.
When my life was getting back to some sort of normality, I started to wonder what had happened to
Christopher. I wrote to the hospital asking where his body was taken. Someone had told me that they
sometimes put them in the coffin with someone else that had died. If this was the case I wanted to
know where he was. I needed a grave, I needed to visit and be close to him.
The reply came by letter and was the most horrific thing I had ever read. Because Christopher was
born at 26 weeks they didnt class him as being a person. They didnt say for sure what had happened
to him but it was suggested that he was incinerated at the hospital. Makes me very sad just writing
this now. I pictured my baby boy being put in a bag and burned along with amputated limbs and
things removed in operations. This letter was so cold and callous, I was so hurt and angry and even
guilty, why had I let this happen.
The letter hurt so much that i could not follow it up because I didnt want to know anymore horrific
details.
Now I feel like I abandoned Christopher, he called me and I didnt go. I would just like him to know
he wasnt a nothing, he was my only son and I am devastated that I didnt go with my instinct, I didnt
go to my son when he called.
Now on sites like this I read that these days it is quite normal to hold the baby and even take him
or her home for the day. Mums have pictures to frame and graves to visit. Coming on this site makes
my Christopher a person, my son. I see you all call him by his name when all these years if he was
talked about he was "that baby you lost". HE IS CHRISTOPHER JAMES!
So unfair......I feel so angry and so sad thirty years after.. life goes on I know and I went on to
have five daughters total. They are all lovely and I love them all so much, also have ten
grandchildren all lovely too. But one little boy called Christopher who weighed 1lb 9oz will always
be in my heart.
Thank you for listening,,, I have wanted to get that lot out for years. Many thanks.xxxxx
This Tribute Is For This Weekend
Candles will be lit on Sunday.
My computer is running very slow at the moment
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
God saw you getting tired
And a cure was not to be.
So he put his arms around you,
And whispered "Come to Me".
With tearful eyes we watched you,
We watched you fade away.
Although we loved you dearly,
We could not make you stay.
A golden heart stopped beating,
Hard working hands now rest.
God broke our hearts to prove to us
He only takes the best.
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Life is but a stopping place,
A pause in what's to be,
A resting place along the road,
To sweet eternity.
We all have different journeys,
Different paths along the way,
We are all meant to learn some things,
But never meant to stay.
Our destination is a place,
Far greater than we know,
For some the journey's quicker,
For some the journey's slow.
But when the journey finally ends,
We'll claim a great reward,
And find an everlasting peace,
Together with the Lord.
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Little did we know that morning
God was going to call your name.
In life we loved you dearly,
In death we do the same.
It broke our hearts to lose you,
But you did not go alone.
For part of us went with you,
The day God called you home.
You left us peaceful memories,
Your love is still our guide.
And though we cannot see you,
You are always by our side.
Our family chain is broken
And nothing seems the same.
But as God calls us one by one,
The chain will link again.
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Thoughts Today Memories Forever
Angela(Christopher-John Rowe)Mum
This Tribute Is For This Weekend
Candles will be lit on Sunday.
My computer is running very slow at the moment
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
God saw you getting tired
And a cure was not to be.
So he put his arms around you,
And whispered "Come to Me".
With tearful eyes we watched you,
We watched you fade away.
Although we loved you dearly,
We could not make you stay.
A golden heart stopped beating,
Hard working hands now rest.
God broke our hearts to prove to us
He only takes the best.
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Life is but a stopping place,
A pause in what's to be,
A resting place along the road,
To sweet eternity.
We all have different journeys,
Different paths along the way,
We are all meant to learn some things,
But never meant to stay.
Our destination is a place,
Far greater than we know,
For some the journey's quicker,
For some the journey's slow.
But when the journey finally ends,
We'll claim a great reward,
And find an everlasting peace,
Together with the Lord.
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Little did we know that morning
God was going to call your name.
In life we loved you dearly,
In death we do the same.
It broke our hearts to lose you,
But you did not go alone.
For part of us went with you,
The day God called you home.
You left us peaceful memories,
Your love is still our guide.
And though we cannot see you,
You are always by our side.
Our family chain is broken
And nothing seems the same.
But as God calls us one by one,
The chain will link again.
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Thoughts Today Memories Forever
Angela(Christopher-John Rowe)Mum
----HAPPY NEW YEAR
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When tomorrow starts without me
And I'm not there to see;
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry
The way you did today
While thinking of the many things
We didn't get to say.
I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you.
And each time that you think of me
I know you'll miss me too.
But when tomorrow starts without me
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name
And took me by the hand.
If we could bring you back again,
For one more hour or day,
We’d express all our unspoken love;
We’d have countless things to say.
If we could bring you back again,
We’d say we treasured you,
And that your presence in our lives
Meant more than we ever knew.
If we could bring you back again,
To tell you what we should,
You’d know how much we miss you now,
And if we could, we would.
Our memories build a special bridge
When loved ones have to part.
To help us feel we're with them still
And soothe a grieving heart.
Our memories span the years we shared,
Preserving ties that bind.
They build a special bridge of love
And bring us peace of mind.
As New Year approaches
It seems harder this time of year
We miss you so much more
The only thing that gets us through
Are the memories of before
So here's a card just for you
To show how much we care
I know your waiting with the angels
One day I'll see you there.
Thoughts Today Memories Forever
Angela(Christopher-John Rowe)Mum
I would like to thank everyone for all the candles, tributes gifts and kind words they have left on Christopher’s website I appreciate every single one.
I would also like to wish you all A Happy New Year & my best wishes for 2009.
Angela X
New Years Day
Hi christopher
silent thoughts
tears unseen
wishing your absence
was only a dream xx
Thank you carole for christophers tributes it means a lot xx
Merry Christmas!
At the ending of the day when I'm weary
After a waterfall of tears have all been cried
And I'm feeling like the skies will always be dreary
Nothing's there to fill the emptiness inside.
I lay my head upon my favorite pillow
Just close my eyes to block all the sorrow
Wonderin' where I'll ever find the strength inside-
To do it all again - tomorrow.
And then I feel it-
inside me.
I feel it-
around me.
Like a gentle hand just wiped away the tears-
and held me close to wash away my fears.
It's you, my angel, watching over me.
And I know no matter what tomorrow brings,
You'll be here to wrap me in your angel wings-
Your lovin' angel wings.
The sun comes up, it's time to face the day
And I think that things are going to be all right-
But as the day wears on my nerves begin to fray-
I feel the hollowness that creeps in every night.
And like clockwork all the tears begin to fall
As I look at my reflection in the glass-
The eyes looking back at me make me feel small-
And I ask, my God, how long's this going to last?
And then I feel it-
inside me.
I feel it-
around me.
Like a gentle hand just wiped away the tears-
and held me close to wash away my fears.
It's you, my angel watching over me.
And I know no matter what tomorrow brings,
You'll be here to wrap me in your angel wings-
Your lovin' angel wings.
Thank God for your angel wings.
All my love this Christmas and New Year. Thank you for all your candles, tributes and pictures this year, you have been a huge support to me and my family. I have met some truly amazing people on GTS, you all have hearts of gold, and have given me hope that there are some utterly selfless, wonderful people in the world. Thank you for everything. Love always. xxxxxxx
This Tribute Is For This Weekend A Little Longer Than Usual. Sorry It's So Early I've Got A Busy Weekend Ahead
________________________________________________
I will light my candles as usual on Sunday
Our memories build a special bridge
When loved ones have to part.
To help us feel we're with them still
And soothe a grieving heart.
Our memories span the years we shared,
Preserving ties that bind.
They build a special bridge of love
And bring us peace of mind.
When tomorrow starts without me
And I'm not there to see;
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry
The way you did today
While thinking of the many things
We didn't get to say.
I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you.
And each time that you think of me
I know you'll miss me too.
But when tomorrow starts without me
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name
And took me by the hand.
If tears could build a stairway,
And memories were a lane,
We would walk right up to heaven
And bring you back again.
Our hearts still ache in sadness
And secret tears still flow.
What it meant to lose you
No one can ever know.
But now we know you want us
To mourn for you no more.
To remember all the happy times,
Life still has much in store.
Since you'll never be forgotten,
We pledge to you today:
A hallowed place within our hearts
Is where you'll always stay.
A million times we've needed you,
A million times we've cried.
If love could have saved you,
You never would have died.
In life we loved you dearly,
In death we love you still.
In our hearts you hold a place
No one will ever fill.
It broke our hearts to lose you
But you didn't go alone.
Part of us went with you
The day God took you home.
Thoughts Today, Memories Forever
Angela (Christopher-John Rowe) Mum
Happy Birthday Christopher x
You came to me a special boy
and in my body you grew
I felt you dancing and jumping around
I loved you, I hope you knew
Out you came one winter day
and with angel wings you flew away
never to hold you in my arms
or kiss your little face
I have regrets about that day
where was my fight for you
I wanted you I needed you
but I let God take you away
Always with me in my heart
my love for you even stronger
My christmas wish all these years on
Would be to have you a little longer
Lots of love my baby boy I send to you today
with hugs and kisses and angel wishes
I love you still and always will
love from Mummy xx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Today I touched your face again
and watched you for awhile,
I talked of things deep in my heart
and wished I could make you smile.
I rubbed your head and told you,
how proud I am of you,
For all the little things you did
and the way you did each one.
You show such courage daily
and you teach me how to live,
To make each moment count in life
and to give all I can give.
Did I tell you 'You're my hero'
when I saw you yesterday?
Or did it slip my mind
as I gently put you away?
I know your time on earth is done,
but it's how you lived each day,
You made the most of what you had
and always found a way,
To touch the hearts around you,
to love while you may.
I wish with all my heart right now,
the face I touched today,
Wasn't made of paper
or neatly placed away.
But I will put you on the shelf again
for all the world to see,
I'll talk to you tomorrow
just like I do each day.
And I'll tell you 'You're my hero'
as I gently walk away.
Love to you always, and especially now as Christmas is approaching and our loved ones who cannot be with us are constantly in our thoughts.
I'm sorry I have not been on lately, having quite a hard time with money and health problems, and in case I don't get on before Xmas I want to wish all my GTS friends and their angels a very merry Christmas, and here's to the New Year.....may it be all that you wish for and more.
All my love, Mel. xxxxxxx
THIS TRIBUTE IS FOR FRIDAY BUSY DAY FOR ME
Have A Good Weekend Everyone
If I Knew
If I knew it would be the last time
That I'd see you fall asleep,
I would tuck you in more tightly
and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.
If I knew it would be the last time
that I see you walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and kiss
and call you back for one more.
If I knew it would be the last time
I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise,
I would video tape each action and word,
so I could play them back day after day.
If I knew it would be the last time,
I could spare an extra minute
to stop and say "I love you,"
instead of assuming you would KNOW I do.
If I knew it would be the last time
I would be there to share your day,
well I'm sure you'll have so many more,
so I can let just this one slip away.
For surely there's always tomorrow
to make up for an oversight,
and we always get a second chance
to make everything just right.
There will always be another day
to say "I love you,"
And certainly there's another chance to say
our "Anything I can do?"
But just in case I might be wrong,
and today is all I get,
I'd like to say how much I love you
and I hope we never forget.
Tomorrow is not promised to anyone,
young or old alike,
And today may be the last chance
you get to hold your loved one tight.
So if you're waiting for tomorrow,
why not do it today?
For if tomorrow never comes,
you'll surely regret the day,
That you didn't take that extra time
for a smile, a hug, or a kiss
and you were too busy to grant someone,
what turned out to be their one last wish.
So hold your loved ones close today,
and whisper in their ear,
Tell them how much you love them
and that you'll always hold them dear
Take time to say "I'm sorry,"
"Please forgive me," "Thank you," or "It's okay."
And if tomorrow never comes,
you'll have no regrets about today.
Thoughts Today Memories Forever
Angela(Christopher-John Rowe)Mum
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