| Location | Accrington, Lancashire |
| Age | 0 |
| Cause of Death | Still Birth |
| Date of Birth | 17/12/1978 |
| Date of Death | 17/12/1978 |
| Visitors | 2,146 since 14/02/2008 |
| Creator |
CHRISTOPHER AND I WOULD LIKE TO SAY A BIG THANKYOU TO ALL OF YOU WHO REGULARLY COME HERE AND LIGHT A
CANDLE. MANY MANY THANKS FRIENDS XXX Special thanks to Dot for keeping Christophers candles burning
xx
Tiny Angel
Tiny Angel rest your wings
sit with me for awhile.
How I long to hold your hand,
And see your tender smile.
Tiny Angel, look at me,
I want this image clear....
That I will forget your precious face
Is my one and only fear.
Tiny Angel tell me please,
Why you went away?
You were not here for very long....
Why is it, you couldn't stay?
Tiny Angel shook her head,
"These things I do not know....
But I do know that you love me,
And that I love you so".
MY STORY
My Baby Christopher was a six month gestation baby. He arrived early the week before Christmas of
1978.
He had three sisters at the time but now has five. Joanne, Lisa, Emily, Lucy and Danielle. Ten
nephews and nieces, Grandma and Grandad and Uncles and Aunties.
I think a lot of people have forgotton about little Christopher and he lives on in my heart only, he
was my only son but he was called back to God.
If he can get messages somehow I would like him to know that I think about him a lot and will never
forget the day he arrived and left........
In April 1978 I gave birth to my daughter Emily, she was perfect and beautiful. She is my third
daughter. Whilst in hospital I was told that I was not immune to Rubella, so I was given a
vaccination and told that I must not get pregnant within three months. I remember laughing at that
comment and saying "No Way".
Two months later, you guessed it, I was pregnant! Such a shock but hey, I'm a mum that’s all I
wanted to be, so one more is no problem. Then I remembered about the doctor's warning. I saw a
specialist who checked with the drug company who said that two months is the absolute limit to get
pregnant after the vaccination. I worked out that I got pregnant dead on two months. The specialist
told me that he thought it was a better option to have a abortion. I was around 24 weeks pregnant by
that time. Being very naive and not realising that I had a voice, opinion or rights I just cried
thinking that this is what I have to do. I was heartbroken, I could feel the baby inside me moving
around, how could I let it die? The doctor saw how upset I was and said I could carry on with the
pregnancy if I want to. It was like a reprieve to me and the baby. I was warned that the baby could
be deaf, blind or brain damaged. I would face that when it came, we cant pick and chose a perfect
baby, somebody has to love and care for the imperfect.
Almost a week before christmas at 26 weeks pregnant my waters broke. I didn’t know what it was
really as I had not experience it with the other babies. I called the doctor who came out and he
just told me to "play it by ear, carry on as normal".
I was in the supermarket the same day and bumped into the midwife. When I explained the story to her
she told me that I should be in bed and the waters may just replace themselves. But as a mother of
three children, going to bed was quite impossible. If i had known then what I know now I would have
made sure that I went to bed.
Two nights later as I was in bed I started to gasp for breath and had no energy to stand. My Mum was
staying and she held me while my husband called an ambulance.
At the hospital it was discovered that the placenta had broke away from the wall of the womb which
was causing bleeding. I was being monitored and checked regularly and midwife's listening to my
baby's heartbeat said it was a good strong beat.
I was drifting in and out of consciousness for what seemed like an eternity but was actually thirty
hours. They told me I was in labour but I only had back ache.
On Sunday afternoon 17th December 1978 I was told to push. I felt this feeling of something coming
out of my body, then lay back, turned my head to the door just to see it swinging to. I knew then
that was my baby in the arms of the nurse.
I cant remember feeling anything when I found out that the baby was a boy but he never breathed. I
was numb.
I do remember later the nurse asking me if I wanted to "see it". The biggest mistake I would ever
make in my life was to say no. I only said no because I thought that they would think I was weird. I
was always the person to think what other people would think. Now I wouldn’t give two hoots what
anyone thought.
Now I am so full of regret that I didn’t hold my baby Christopher in my arms and say goodbye. I
would have liked to see what he looked like and have a picture that I could keep in my heart
forever.
I have lately read that these days if your baby is stillborn you can have them for as long as
necessary and take them home even. I wish with all my heart that this had been made possible for
me.
Also, in those days, being young and naive I did not know what a 26 week fetus would look like and
you do not imagine for a minute that it is a perfectly formed little baby.
After that door swung to and my baby was gone I was taken to the new baby ward, I was in a cubicle
on my own but through the partition was a lady with twin boys, I could see through the frosted glass
she was sitting holding her babies and would get visitors cooing and ahhhing. I dont think that it
had sunk in that I wasnt pregnant anymore and my baby was not there.
I remember my Mum coming to see me and i smiled at her happily and said "Its a boy" I was so amazed
the baby was a boy.
I was next to that lady with twins for about three days before I was sent home.
On the day I was leaving the hospital as I walked down the corridor towards the exit, I felt a
pulling back, it was so strong the need to go back but I didnt realise what it was. I got outside
and was made to turn around and look back. Without realising it i was being pulled back, I had
forgotton something important, the pull was so strong. Being the people pleaser I am, I didnt want
to keep my parents waiting so I got in the car and we drove away.
I believe now it was Christopher pulling me back, how I wish I'd have turned back now and ran back
to him.
Because Christopher was born at 26 weeks there would be no funeral. Two weeks later and there would
have been. So that was it. Baby delivered, baby dead, go home and move on. I was told that I had
three lovely children at home. As if that made up for the little boy that didnt make it.
When I got home I was soon back into being Mum and cleaning and cooking. I cried a lot and couldnt
go out sometimes.
A few days after I got home a midwife turned up at the door and breezed in the house asking "Hows
Mum and Baby then"? I had to tell her that there was no baby. She was so apologetic, but it should
never have happened.
When my life was getting back to some sort of normality, I started to wonder what had happened to
Christopher. I wrote to the hospital asking where his body was taken. Someone had told me that they
sometimes put them in the coffin with someone else that had died. If this was the case I wanted to
know where he was. I needed a grave, I needed to visit and be close to him.
The reply came by letter and was the most horrific thing I had ever read. Because Christopher was
born at 26 weeks they didnt class him as being a person. They didnt say for sure what had happened
to him but it was suggested that he was incinerated at the hospital. Makes me very sad just writing
this now. I pictured my baby boy being put in a bag and burned along with amputated limbs and
things removed in operations. This letter was so cold and callous, I was so hurt and angry and even
guilty, why had I let this happen.
The letter hurt so much that i could not follow it up because I didnt want to know anymore horrific
details.
Now I feel like I abandoned Christopher, he called me and I didnt go. I would just like him to know
he wasnt a nothing, he was my only son and I am devastated that I didnt go with my instinct, I didnt
go to my son when he called.
Now on sites like this I read that these days it is quite normal to hold the baby and even take him
or her home for the day. Mums have pictures to frame and graves to visit. Coming on this site makes
my Christopher a person, my son. I see you all call him by his name when all these years if he was
talked about he was "that baby you lost". HE IS CHRISTOPHER JAMES!
So unfair......I feel so angry and so sad thirty years after.. life goes on I know and I went on to
have five daughters total. They are all lovely and I love them all so much, also have ten
grandchildren all lovely too. But one little boy called Christopher who weighed 1lb 9oz will always
be in my heart.
Thank you for listening,,, I have wanted to get that lot out for years. Many thanks.xxxxx
♦♥♦ Cherished Memories ♦♥♦
Sometimes it's hard to understand
To see the reason why,
Sometimes it's hard to find the words
To say that last goodbye.
Sometimes it's hard to look ahead
With eyes still filled with tears,
But all our cherished memories
Will live on through the years.
And though there are no answers
The questions still remain,
Sometimes we just can't comprehend
Or understand the pain.
Sometimes it's hard to look beyond
The rainclouds in the sky,
Though all our cherished memories
Will stay as time goes by.
Sometimes when we close our eyes
The only thing we see,
Are moments that are long gone by
Of how things used to be.
Sometimes we need to just let go,
Let tears fall as they may,
Reliving cherished memories
That never fade away.
(Author unknown)
◘◘◘♥♥♥•••◘◘◘♥♥♥•••◘◘◘♥♥♥•••◘◘◘♥♥♥•••◘◘◘♥♥♥
Do you make them laugh in Heaven,
does your smile bring them good cheer?
Do you make the sun shine brighter,
like you did when you were here?
The very mention of your name,
the memories of your smile,
The little things you said and did,
are with us all the while.
You meant so very much to us,
there’s nothing left to say,
Except that without you here
there is no perfect day.
For no-one knows the heartache,
that lies behind our smiles,
No-one knows how many times
we have broken down & cried.
We want to tell you something
so there won't be any doubt,
You're so wonderful to think of,
but so hard to be without.
We hold you close within our hearts,
and there you shall remain.
To walk with us throughout our lives,
until we meet again.
(Author unknown)
♥ In Our Hearts ♥
� Rose de Leon
We thought of you with love today,
But that is nothing new
We thought about you yesterday,
And days before that too.
We think of you in silence,
We often speak your name
Now all we have is memories,
And your picture in a frame.
Your memory is our keepsake,
With which we’ll never part
God has you in his keeping,
We have you in our heart.
◘◘◘♥♥♥•••◘◘◘♥♥♥•••◘◘◘♥♥♥•••◘◘◘♥♥♥•••◘◘◘♥♥♥
Message from Heaven
I still hear the songs
I still see the lights
I still feel your love
I still share your hopes
And all of your cares
I'll even remind you
To please say your prayers
I just want to tell you
You still make me proud
You stand head and shoulders
Above the crowd
Keep trying each moment
To stay in his grace
I came here before you
To help set your place
You don't have to be
Perfect all of the time
He forgives you the slip
If you continue to climb
To my family and friends
Please be thankful today
I'm still close beside you
In a new special way
As I am now beside Jesus
In the heaven’s above
Please take care of each other
I send you my love
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
"Angel"
Tear drops, slow and steady,
The pain so real and true,
God took another angel,
And that angel, dear, was you.
Memories and little prayers,
We all are mourning you,
But we’ll celebrate the short life you led;
We will never forget you.
I know God will look after you,
Now you are truly alive,
Your spirit soars beyond the moon,
Your legacy will survive.
You’re beautiful, you’re endless,
Now stretch your wings and fly,
We love you so, I love you so,
But now we say goodbye.
Close your pretty eyes,
No more tears, just go and rest,
Let your soul lie peacefully,
We know you did your best.
It was your time, so as we cry,
Go forward that extra mile,
You did what you were sent to do,
You made everybody smile.
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
“The Best”
God saw you getting tired
And a cure was not to be.
So He put His arms around you
And He whispered “Come to Me”
With tearful eyes we watched you.
We watched you fade away.
Although we loved you dearly,
We could not make you stay.
A golden heart stopped beating,
Hard-working hands at rest.
God broke our hearts to prove to us,
He chose to take the best.
It’s lonesome here without you
We miss you more each day.
Life doesn’t seem the same
Since you have gone away.
When days are sad and lonely
And everything goes wrong,
We seem to hear you whisper
“Cheer Up and Carry On”
Each time we see your picture
You seem to smile and say,
“Don’t cry, I’m in God’s hands,
We’ll meet again someday!”
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
The moment that you died
Our hearts were torn in two,
One side filled with memories,
The other died with you.
We often lie awake at night,
When the world is fast asleep,
And take a walk down memory lane,
With tears upon our cheeks.
Remembering you is easy,
We do it everyday,
But missing you is heartache
That never goes away.
It broke our hearts to lose you,
But you did not go alone.
For part of us went with you,
The day God called you home.
We miss you in so many ways,
We miss the things you used to say,
And when old times we do recall,
It’s then we miss you most of all.
We miss you now, our hearts are sore,
As time goes by we miss you more,
Your loving smile, your gentle face,
No one can fill your vacant place.
Thoughts Today Memories Forever
Angela(Christopher-John Rowe)Mum
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
♥ Wise Men Say ♥
•◘♥○~•◘♥○~•◘♥○~•◘♥○~•◘♥○~•◘♥○~•◘♥○~•◘♥○~
Wise men talk of worlds beyond
Worlds beyond our eyes,
A wondrous place of love and peace
To which the spirit flies.
Wise men say we come again
To live another span,
That death is just a stepping stone
A pause within the plan.
Mystics say that many lives
Are needed to ensure,
A perfect understanding
Of God's eternal law.
Wise men say with smiling eyes
Our lives are but a dream,
A brief illusion clothed in flesh
A role within a scheme.
Wise men say that nothing dies
It only changes form,
That life goes on despite the myth
We perish in death's storm.
So when our loved ones pass away
Let hope replace our pain,
Have faith and trust that God ensures
We shall all meet again.
•◘♥○~•◘♥○~•◘♥○~•◘♥○~•◘♥○~•◘♥○~•◘♥○~•◘♥○~
I still cry
A beautiful song by Ilse De Lange...
I`m making flowers out of paper
While darkness takes the afternoon
I know that they won`t last forever
But real ones fade away too soon.
I still cry sometimes when I remember you
I still cry sometimes when I hear your name
I said goodbye and I know you`re alright now
But when the leaves start falling down I still cry.
It`s just that I recall September
It`s just that I still hear your song
It`s just I can`t seem to remember
Forever more those days are gone.
I still cry sometimes when I remember you
I still cry sometimes when I hear your name
I said goodbye and I know you`re alright now
But when the leaves start falling down I still cry.
I still cry sometimes when I remember you
I still cry sometimes when I hear your name
I said goodbye and I know you`re alright now
But when the leaves start falling down I still cry
But when the leaves start falling down I still cry.
~All my love to you and your angel~ xxx
This Tribute Is For This Weekend
Candles will be lit as usual on Sunday for Monday
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An angel in the book of life
Wrote down our baby’s birth
She whispered as she closed the book
"Too beautiful for earth."
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You were a gift sent straight from Heaven.
Given to us from God above.
We didn't know how much you would teach us
About the meaning of true love...
For true love sometimes means letting go
Of someone precious and dear.
That is what we were forced to do...
Although we wanted to keep you here!!!
However, this is quite a selfish wish.
One we know we should ignore...
But, sweet loved one, we truly do believe
That God must have needed you more...
Perhaps to be an Angel now,
Full of wisdom and love...
Watching over those of us who love you
From the shining stars above.
We miss you more than you can know.
You will never be replaced...
In our hearts and memories forever,
Will be your sweet and innocent sleeping face.
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If Heaven Had A Phone
I cannot dial your number,
I can't get through to you,
I called the operator,
She did all that she could do.
There is no code for heaven,
I cannot place the call,
No numbers left to call,
I reckon I've tried them all.
If heaven had a phone,
I'd ring you every day,
If heaven had a phone,
There's things I want to say.
To tell you that I love you,
And miss you every day,
How much I prayed to god,
That he could let you stay.
If heaven had a phone,
I'd ring you every day,
If heaven had a phone,
I'd hear your voice, know you're okay,
I just want to speak to heaven,
Please do you have a direct line,
Operator says no number,
But your loved one is doing fine.
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God looked around his garden
And found an empty place
He then looked down upon this earth
And saw your tired face
He put his arms around you
And lifted you to rest
God’s garden must be beautiful
He always takes the best
He knew that you were suffering
He knew you were in pain
He knew that you would never
Get well on earth again
He saw that the road was getting rough
And the hills are hard to climb
So he closed your weary eyelids
And whispered, “Peace be thine”
It broke our hearts to lose you
But you didn’t go alone
For part of us went with you
The day God called you home
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Thoughts Today Memories Forever
Angela(Christopher-John Rowe)Mum
For Friday
This Tribute Is For This Weekend
Candles Will Be Lit Again As Usual For Monday
LITTLE ANGELS
When God calls little children
To dwell with Him above,
We mortals sometimes question
The wisdom of His love.
For no heartache compares
With the death of one small child
Who does so much to make our world
Seem wonderful and mild.
Perhaps God tires of calling
The aged to His fold.
So He picks a rosebud
Before it can grow old.
God knows how much we need them
And so He takes but few
To make the land of heaven
More beautiful to view.
Believing this is difficult,
Still somehow we must try.
The saddest word that mankind knows
Will always be 'goodbye'.
So when a little child departs,
We who are left behind
Must realise God loves children
Angels are hard to find.
If roses grow in heaven,
Lord Please pick one for me.
Place it in my Loved ones hand
And tell them it's from me.
Tell them that I love them
And when they turn to smile,
Place a kiss upon their cheek
And hold them for a while.
Remembering them is easy,
I do it every day.
But there's an ache within my heart
That will never go away.
I looked towards the clouds today
And for a moment saw your face.
I wondered just where you have gone
With hope it's a better place.
Did you show yourself to me today,
To tell me you're all right?
Or was it just a daydream
Playing tricks upon my sight?
We will always feel the void inside
Because you are not here.
But each new thought you send our way
Lets us know you're near.
So until our journey nears its end
And we hear the angels sing,
We'll face each new day as it comes
And live off the love you bring.
If tears could build a stairway,
And memories were a lane,
We would walk right up to heaven
And bring you back again.
Our hearts still ache in sadness
And secret tears still flow.
What it meant to lose you
No one can ever know.
But now we know you want us
To mourn for you no more.
To remember all the happy times,
Life still has much in store.
Since you'll never be forgotten,
We pledge to you today:
A hallowed place within our hearts
Is where you'll always stay.
Thoughts Today Memories Forever
Angela(Christopher-John Rowe)Mum
Little Christopher and family Iam so sorry I havnt been on but I havnt got internet at the moment so can only get on when Iam at my mums. Just want you to know I havnt forgot u and never will. Thank you for keeping Baileys candles burning bright. All my love Chantal xxx
Life's Tug of War
Life can seem ungrateful ~ and not always kind...
Life can pull at your heartstrings ~ and play with your mind...
Life can be blissful ~ and happy and free...
Life can put beauty ~ in the things that you see ...
Life can place challenges ~ right at your feet...
Life can make good ~ of the hardships we meet...
Life can overwhelm you ~ and make your head spin...
Life can reward those ~ determined to win...
Life can be hurtful ~ and not always fair...
Life can surround you ~ with people who care ...
Life clearly does offer ~ its Up and its Downs...
Life's days can bring you ~ both smiles and frowns...
Life teaches us to take ~ the good with the bad...
Life is a mixture ~ of happy and sad...
SO...
Take the Life that you have ~ and give it your best...
Think positive be happy ~ let God do the rest...
Take the challenges that life ~ has laid at your feet...
Take pride and be thankful ~ for each one you meet...
To yourself give forgiveness ~ if you stumble and fall...
Take each day that is dealt you ~ and give it your all...
Take the love that you're given ~ and return it with care...
Have faith that when needed ~ it will always be there...
Take time to find the beauty ~ in the things that you see...
Take life's simple pleasures ~ let them set your heart free...
The idea here is simply ~ to even the score
As you are met and faced with ~ Life's Tug of War.
Thank you to everyone, whether you have left one candle or a thousand, each one is so special and I am continually amazed by the kindness and support I feel here on GTS.
Sorry that I don't get on here as much as I'd like to, I have a lot going on, but you are all always in my thoughts. I hope you like this latest verse that I leave with love. Hugs, Mel. xxx
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