| Location | Accrington, Lancashire |
| Age | 0 |
| Cause of Death | Still Birth |
| Date of Birth | 17/12/1978 |
| Date of Death | 17/12/1978 |
| Visitors | 2,146 since 14/02/2008 |
| Creator |
CHRISTOPHER AND I WOULD LIKE TO SAY A BIG THANKYOU TO ALL OF YOU WHO REGULARLY COME HERE AND LIGHT A
CANDLE. MANY MANY THANKS FRIENDS XXX Special thanks to Dot for keeping Christophers candles burning
xx
Tiny Angel
Tiny Angel rest your wings
sit with me for awhile.
How I long to hold your hand,
And see your tender smile.
Tiny Angel, look at me,
I want this image clear....
That I will forget your precious face
Is my one and only fear.
Tiny Angel tell me please,
Why you went away?
You were not here for very long....
Why is it, you couldn't stay?
Tiny Angel shook her head,
"These things I do not know....
But I do know that you love me,
And that I love you so".
MY STORY
My Baby Christopher was a six month gestation baby. He arrived early the week before Christmas of
1978.
He had three sisters at the time but now has five. Joanne, Lisa, Emily, Lucy and Danielle. Ten
nephews and nieces, Grandma and Grandad and Uncles and Aunties.
I think a lot of people have forgotton about little Christopher and he lives on in my heart only, he
was my only son but he was called back to God.
If he can get messages somehow I would like him to know that I think about him a lot and will never
forget the day he arrived and left........
In April 1978 I gave birth to my daughter Emily, she was perfect and beautiful. She is my third
daughter. Whilst in hospital I was told that I was not immune to Rubella, so I was given a
vaccination and told that I must not get pregnant within three months. I remember laughing at that
comment and saying "No Way".
Two months later, you guessed it, I was pregnant! Such a shock but hey, I'm a mum that’s all I
wanted to be, so one more is no problem. Then I remembered about the doctor's warning. I saw a
specialist who checked with the drug company who said that two months is the absolute limit to get
pregnant after the vaccination. I worked out that I got pregnant dead on two months. The specialist
told me that he thought it was a better option to have a abortion. I was around 24 weeks pregnant by
that time. Being very naive and not realising that I had a voice, opinion or rights I just cried
thinking that this is what I have to do. I was heartbroken, I could feel the baby inside me moving
around, how could I let it die? The doctor saw how upset I was and said I could carry on with the
pregnancy if I want to. It was like a reprieve to me and the baby. I was warned that the baby could
be deaf, blind or brain damaged. I would face that when it came, we cant pick and chose a perfect
baby, somebody has to love and care for the imperfect.
Almost a week before christmas at 26 weeks pregnant my waters broke. I didn’t know what it was
really as I had not experience it with the other babies. I called the doctor who came out and he
just told me to "play it by ear, carry on as normal".
I was in the supermarket the same day and bumped into the midwife. When I explained the story to her
she told me that I should be in bed and the waters may just replace themselves. But as a mother of
three children, going to bed was quite impossible. If i had known then what I know now I would have
made sure that I went to bed.
Two nights later as I was in bed I started to gasp for breath and had no energy to stand. My Mum was
staying and she held me while my husband called an ambulance.
At the hospital it was discovered that the placenta had broke away from the wall of the womb which
was causing bleeding. I was being monitored and checked regularly and midwife's listening to my
baby's heartbeat said it was a good strong beat.
I was drifting in and out of consciousness for what seemed like an eternity but was actually thirty
hours. They told me I was in labour but I only had back ache.
On Sunday afternoon 17th December 1978 I was told to push. I felt this feeling of something coming
out of my body, then lay back, turned my head to the door just to see it swinging to. I knew then
that was my baby in the arms of the nurse.
I cant remember feeling anything when I found out that the baby was a boy but he never breathed. I
was numb.
I do remember later the nurse asking me if I wanted to "see it". The biggest mistake I would ever
make in my life was to say no. I only said no because I thought that they would think I was weird. I
was always the person to think what other people would think. Now I wouldn’t give two hoots what
anyone thought.
Now I am so full of regret that I didn’t hold my baby Christopher in my arms and say goodbye. I
would have liked to see what he looked like and have a picture that I could keep in my heart
forever.
I have lately read that these days if your baby is stillborn you can have them for as long as
necessary and take them home even. I wish with all my heart that this had been made possible for
me.
Also, in those days, being young and naive I did not know what a 26 week fetus would look like and
you do not imagine for a minute that it is a perfectly formed little baby.
After that door swung to and my baby was gone I was taken to the new baby ward, I was in a cubicle
on my own but through the partition was a lady with twin boys, I could see through the frosted glass
she was sitting holding her babies and would get visitors cooing and ahhhing. I dont think that it
had sunk in that I wasnt pregnant anymore and my baby was not there.
I remember my Mum coming to see me and i smiled at her happily and said "Its a boy" I was so amazed
the baby was a boy.
I was next to that lady with twins for about three days before I was sent home.
On the day I was leaving the hospital as I walked down the corridor towards the exit, I felt a
pulling back, it was so strong the need to go back but I didnt realise what it was. I got outside
and was made to turn around and look back. Without realising it i was being pulled back, I had
forgotton something important, the pull was so strong. Being the people pleaser I am, I didnt want
to keep my parents waiting so I got in the car and we drove away.
I believe now it was Christopher pulling me back, how I wish I'd have turned back now and ran back
to him.
Because Christopher was born at 26 weeks there would be no funeral. Two weeks later and there would
have been. So that was it. Baby delivered, baby dead, go home and move on. I was told that I had
three lovely children at home. As if that made up for the little boy that didnt make it.
When I got home I was soon back into being Mum and cleaning and cooking. I cried a lot and couldnt
go out sometimes.
A few days after I got home a midwife turned up at the door and breezed in the house asking "Hows
Mum and Baby then"? I had to tell her that there was no baby. She was so apologetic, but it should
never have happened.
When my life was getting back to some sort of normality, I started to wonder what had happened to
Christopher. I wrote to the hospital asking where his body was taken. Someone had told me that they
sometimes put them in the coffin with someone else that had died. If this was the case I wanted to
know where he was. I needed a grave, I needed to visit and be close to him.
The reply came by letter and was the most horrific thing I had ever read. Because Christopher was
born at 26 weeks they didnt class him as being a person. They didnt say for sure what had happened
to him but it was suggested that he was incinerated at the hospital. Makes me very sad just writing
this now. I pictured my baby boy being put in a bag and burned along with amputated limbs and
things removed in operations. This letter was so cold and callous, I was so hurt and angry and even
guilty, why had I let this happen.
The letter hurt so much that i could not follow it up because I didnt want to know anymore horrific
details.
Now I feel like I abandoned Christopher, he called me and I didnt go. I would just like him to know
he wasnt a nothing, he was my only son and I am devastated that I didnt go with my instinct, I didnt
go to my son when he called.
Now on sites like this I read that these days it is quite normal to hold the baby and even take him
or her home for the day. Mums have pictures to frame and graves to visit. Coming on this site makes
my Christopher a person, my son. I see you all call him by his name when all these years if he was
talked about he was "that baby you lost". HE IS CHRISTOPHER JAMES!
So unfair......I feel so angry and so sad thirty years after.. life goes on I know and I went on to
have five daughters total. They are all lovely and I love them all so much, also have ten
grandchildren all lovely too. But one little boy called Christopher who weighed 1lb 9oz will always
be in my heart.
Thank you for listening,,, I have wanted to get that lot out for years. Many thanks.xxxxx
♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥
Tributes For This Weekend
My Friend
I'm sending you this little note
It comes with love to say
I've asked your guardian angel
To watch over you each day
For whenever your feeling down
Your angels sure to know
And you'll soon receive guidance
And will know which way to go
Don't let your troubles worry you
Dear friend you will be fine
For your loved and protected
By a presence that's divine.
♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥
FOR FRIDAY
We'll Never Say Goodbye
I cannot see you with my eyes
Or hear you with my ears.
But thoughts of you are with me still
And often dry my tears.
You whisper in the rustling leaves
That linger in the fall;
And in the gentle evening breeze,
I’m sure I hear you call.
A part of you remains with me
That none can take away.
It gives me strength to carry on
At dawning of new day.
I think of happy times we shared
And then I softly sigh.
But this I know -- we’ll meet again
And never say goodbye
♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥
FOR SATURDAY
Angel Mum’s
We have shared our tears and our sorrow,
We have given encouragement to each other,
Given hope for a brighter tomorrow,
We share the title of grieving Mother.
Some of us lost older Daughters or Sons,
Who we watched grow over the years,
Some have lost their babies before their lives begun,
But no matter the age we cry the same tears.
We understand each other’s pain,
The bond we share is very strong,
With each other there is no need to explain,
The path we walk is hard and long.
Our children brought us together,
They didn't want us on this journey alone,
They knew we needed each other,
To survive the pain of them being gone.
So take my hand my friend,
We may stumble and fall along the way,
But we'll get up and try again,
Because together we can make it day by day.
We can give each other hope,
We'll create a place where we belong,
Together we will find ways to cope,
Because we are Angel Mums and together we are strong!
♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥
FOR SUNDAY
So Little Time
We had so little time to share,
Too soon, I had to leave.
I know how much you love me,
I know how much you grieve.
I know how sharp your pain is,
I feel the aching in your hearts.
My life so quickly ended
Before it barely had a start.
I remember how you held me,
And kissed my face and hands,
You cuddled me so gently;
But, God had other plans.
I was your perfect angel,
From God you knew I came,
Suddenly he called me home again,
And now God holds my hand.
I know you’ll always miss me,
I understand your pain is hard to bear.
Just remember that I’m in heaven
And we’ll see each other there.
So smile when you think of me
and wipe away all of your tears
I’m cuddled now in heaven
By our family members here.
I’m waiting here in heaven,
And on the day we meet again.
I’ll be the first to smile and greet you,
When God calls you home to him.
♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥
Thoughts Today Memories Forever
Angela Christopher’s Very Proud Mum
♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥
•:*:• •:*:• •:*:• •:*:••:*:••:*: ••: *:• •:*•:*:• •:*:• •:*:• •:*:••:*:••:*: ••: *:• •:*
♥ REMEMBERING ♥ (Author Unknown) ♥
♥ There will come a day
♥ when your tears of sorrow
♥ will softly flow into tears of remembrance...
♥ and your heart will begin to heal itself...
♥ and grieving will be interrupted by episodes of joy...
♥ and you will hear the whisper of hope.
♥ There will come a day
♥ when you will welcome the tears of remembrance...
♥ as a sunshower of the soul...
♥ a turning of the tide...
♥ a promise of peace.
♥ There will come a day when you will...
♥ risk loving...
♥ go on believing...
♥ and treasure the tears of remembering.
•:*:• •:*:• •:*:• •:*:••:*:••:*: ••: *:• •:*•:*:• •:*:• •:*:• •:*:••:*:••:*: ••: *:• •:*
*** Love to you and your Angel from Mel. ***
♥ღ♥~♥ღ♥~ ♥ღ♥~♥ღ♥~♥~ღ♥~♥ღ♥~♥ღ♥~ ♥ღ♥~♥ღ♥~♥~ღ♥~
High Flight.
Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings.
Sunward I've climbed and joined the tumbling mirth
Of sun split clouds - and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of; wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence. Hovering there
I've chased the shouting wind along, and flung
My eager craft through footless halls of air;
Up, up the long delirious burning blue
I've topped the windswept heights with easy grace,
Where never lark nor even eagle flew;
And while, with silent lifting mind I've trod
The high, un-trespassed sanctity of space
Put out my hand and touched the face of God.
(by John Gillespie McGee)
♥ღ♥~♥ღ♥~ ♥ღ♥~♥ღ♥~♥~ღ♥~♥ღ♥~♥ღ♥~ ♥ღ♥~♥ღ♥~♥~ღ♥~
☆•â˜† A MESSAGE FROM YOUR ANGEL ☆•â˜†
♥ I'd Rather See You Smiling ♥
(© Alan Pemberton)
You must not think that I have gone
Please don't grieve or pine
I'd rather see you smiling
Laughing - working - looking fine
Death is an exciting key
Which opens many doors
It leads us into other worlds
Quite similar to yours
Life is not an accident
Death is not the end
God designed a mystery
Life and death do blend
So do not think that I have gone
Please don't brood or pine
I'd rather see you smiling
Laughing - working - looking fine
☆•â˜† A TENDER REPLY ☆•â˜†
♥ I Promise ♥
(Author Unknown)
I promise I won't cry forever
But I need to just today.
I promise I will remember
How to live and how to play.
I promise that I'll dry my tears
When the heartache goes away.
I promise that it won't take years
But I need another day.
I promise that I'll live my life
As you would want me to.
I promise when I'm facing strife
I'll face it straight and true.
I promise I will endeavour
To do the best I can each day.
I promise I won't cry forever
But I need to just today.
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
The years will fall like autumn leaves upon his memory.
The touch of Time will ease the heartache, gently, tenderly...
It cannot always be like this; the agony will cease.
And I, resigned, shall find at last - my healing and my peace.
There comes a time when grief must end and sorrow pass away.
Never will he be forgotten - but there'll come a day -
when I shall remember him without a stab of pain -
happy in the secret knowledge that we'll meet again.
(Patience Strong)
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
♥•♦•♥ ♥•♦•♥ ♥•♦•♥ ♥•♦•♥ ♥•♦•♥ ♥•♦•♥ ♥•♦•♥
Rest your weary head and drift off into dreams,
Frolic in the sunshine and bathe in God's moonbeams.
Use the stars as stepping-stones to take you to your peace,
The pain of life forgotten now you have found release.
Without rain a flower folds, the petals drop and die,
There was no way to save you, you couldn't even cry.
So we cry all the tears instead as we must let you go
To Heaven, and God's garden to blossom and to grow.
The little seed is planted, you'll be watered every day,
The angels will tend all your needs as in their arms you lay.
Your life will be amazing now and full of wondrous things,
Rest in peace, our dear, sweet Christopher, go fly on angels wings.
(Author unknown)
♥•♦•♥ ♥•♦•♥ ♥•♦•♥ ♥•♦•♥ ♥•♦•♥ ♥•♦•♥ ♥•♦•♥
2 beautiful poems for a beautiful angel. xxx
ღ♥ღ♥ღ♥ღ Memories Of You ღ♥ღ♥ღ♥ღ
© Alan Pemberton
I had a drifting mood today
It stirred a thought or two
My mind went back to happy days
To memories of you.
Our lives are like a tapestry
With two distinctive sides
The front a perfect picture
The back our secret hides.
Our memories are built like this
Some are clear and real
Others travel in and out
With no specific feel.
Life's phases too are tapestries
With textures of their own
Some we love and some we hate
From all of them we've grown.
We gather wisdom from our pains
From torment we grow strong
Our spirit nurtured by mistakes
Still fated, travels on.
Perhaps one thing which stays the same
And will forever more
Is the love we hold for another soul
The people we adore.
So I had a drifting mood today
It stirred a thought or two
My mind went back to happy days
To memories of you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ღ♥ღ♥ღ♥ღ In Peace Go Home ღ♥ღ♥ღ♥ღ
© Alan Pemberton
Through veils of peace may you ascend
To promised planes above
Where comfort shall await you
In those summerlands of love.
Although my grief is deep and raw
Although my pain is great
I know that you are still with me
I know that you will wait.
For in God's time we'll meet again
Of this I am quite sure
I loved you so much on this earth
In absence even more.
I asked God for a flower, He gave me a garden.
I asked God for a tree, He gave me a forest.
I asked God for a river, He gave me an ocean.
I asked God for the world, He gave me you.
My heart is lost to you, always and forever.
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
~Your Loved One lives In Your Heart~
Many tender memories soften your grief,
May fond recollection bring you relief,
And may you find comfort and peace in the thought
Of the joy that knowing your loved one brought...
For time and space can never divide
Or keep your loved one from your side,
When memory paints in colors true
The happy hours that belonged to you.
(Helen Steiner Rice)
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