| Location | Accrington, Lancashire |
| Age | 0 |
| Cause of Death | Still Birth |
| Date of Birth | 17/12/1978 |
| Date of Death | 17/12/1978 |
| Visitors | 2,147 since 14/02/2008 |
| Creator |
CHRISTOPHER AND I WOULD LIKE TO SAY A BIG THANKYOU TO ALL OF YOU WHO REGULARLY COME HERE AND LIGHT A
CANDLE. MANY MANY THANKS FRIENDS XXX Special thanks to Dot for keeping Christophers candles burning
xx
Tiny Angel
Tiny Angel rest your wings
sit with me for awhile.
How I long to hold your hand,
And see your tender smile.
Tiny Angel, look at me,
I want this image clear....
That I will forget your precious face
Is my one and only fear.
Tiny Angel tell me please,
Why you went away?
You were not here for very long....
Why is it, you couldn't stay?
Tiny Angel shook her head,
"These things I do not know....
But I do know that you love me,
And that I love you so".
MY STORY
My Baby Christopher was a six month gestation baby. He arrived early the week before Christmas of
1978.
He had three sisters at the time but now has five. Joanne, Lisa, Emily, Lucy and Danielle. Ten
nephews and nieces, Grandma and Grandad and Uncles and Aunties.
I think a lot of people have forgotton about little Christopher and he lives on in my heart only, he
was my only son but he was called back to God.
If he can get messages somehow I would like him to know that I think about him a lot and will never
forget the day he arrived and left........
In April 1978 I gave birth to my daughter Emily, she was perfect and beautiful. She is my third
daughter. Whilst in hospital I was told that I was not immune to Rubella, so I was given a
vaccination and told that I must not get pregnant within three months. I remember laughing at that
comment and saying "No Way".
Two months later, you guessed it, I was pregnant! Such a shock but hey, I'm a mum that’s all I
wanted to be, so one more is no problem. Then I remembered about the doctor's warning. I saw a
specialist who checked with the drug company who said that two months is the absolute limit to get
pregnant after the vaccination. I worked out that I got pregnant dead on two months. The specialist
told me that he thought it was a better option to have a abortion. I was around 24 weeks pregnant by
that time. Being very naive and not realising that I had a voice, opinion or rights I just cried
thinking that this is what I have to do. I was heartbroken, I could feel the baby inside me moving
around, how could I let it die? The doctor saw how upset I was and said I could carry on with the
pregnancy if I want to. It was like a reprieve to me and the baby. I was warned that the baby could
be deaf, blind or brain damaged. I would face that when it came, we cant pick and chose a perfect
baby, somebody has to love and care for the imperfect.
Almost a week before christmas at 26 weeks pregnant my waters broke. I didn’t know what it was
really as I had not experience it with the other babies. I called the doctor who came out and he
just told me to "play it by ear, carry on as normal".
I was in the supermarket the same day and bumped into the midwife. When I explained the story to her
she told me that I should be in bed and the waters may just replace themselves. But as a mother of
three children, going to bed was quite impossible. If i had known then what I know now I would have
made sure that I went to bed.
Two nights later as I was in bed I started to gasp for breath and had no energy to stand. My Mum was
staying and she held me while my husband called an ambulance.
At the hospital it was discovered that the placenta had broke away from the wall of the womb which
was causing bleeding. I was being monitored and checked regularly and midwife's listening to my
baby's heartbeat said it was a good strong beat.
I was drifting in and out of consciousness for what seemed like an eternity but was actually thirty
hours. They told me I was in labour but I only had back ache.
On Sunday afternoon 17th December 1978 I was told to push. I felt this feeling of something coming
out of my body, then lay back, turned my head to the door just to see it swinging to. I knew then
that was my baby in the arms of the nurse.
I cant remember feeling anything when I found out that the baby was a boy but he never breathed. I
was numb.
I do remember later the nurse asking me if I wanted to "see it". The biggest mistake I would ever
make in my life was to say no. I only said no because I thought that they would think I was weird. I
was always the person to think what other people would think. Now I wouldn’t give two hoots what
anyone thought.
Now I am so full of regret that I didn’t hold my baby Christopher in my arms and say goodbye. I
would have liked to see what he looked like and have a picture that I could keep in my heart
forever.
I have lately read that these days if your baby is stillborn you can have them for as long as
necessary and take them home even. I wish with all my heart that this had been made possible for
me.
Also, in those days, being young and naive I did not know what a 26 week fetus would look like and
you do not imagine for a minute that it is a perfectly formed little baby.
After that door swung to and my baby was gone I was taken to the new baby ward, I was in a cubicle
on my own but through the partition was a lady with twin boys, I could see through the frosted glass
she was sitting holding her babies and would get visitors cooing and ahhhing. I dont think that it
had sunk in that I wasnt pregnant anymore and my baby was not there.
I remember my Mum coming to see me and i smiled at her happily and said "Its a boy" I was so amazed
the baby was a boy.
I was next to that lady with twins for about three days before I was sent home.
On the day I was leaving the hospital as I walked down the corridor towards the exit, I felt a
pulling back, it was so strong the need to go back but I didnt realise what it was. I got outside
and was made to turn around and look back. Without realising it i was being pulled back, I had
forgotton something important, the pull was so strong. Being the people pleaser I am, I didnt want
to keep my parents waiting so I got in the car and we drove away.
I believe now it was Christopher pulling me back, how I wish I'd have turned back now and ran back
to him.
Because Christopher was born at 26 weeks there would be no funeral. Two weeks later and there would
have been. So that was it. Baby delivered, baby dead, go home and move on. I was told that I had
three lovely children at home. As if that made up for the little boy that didnt make it.
When I got home I was soon back into being Mum and cleaning and cooking. I cried a lot and couldnt
go out sometimes.
A few days after I got home a midwife turned up at the door and breezed in the house asking "Hows
Mum and Baby then"? I had to tell her that there was no baby. She was so apologetic, but it should
never have happened.
When my life was getting back to some sort of normality, I started to wonder what had happened to
Christopher. I wrote to the hospital asking where his body was taken. Someone had told me that they
sometimes put them in the coffin with someone else that had died. If this was the case I wanted to
know where he was. I needed a grave, I needed to visit and be close to him.
The reply came by letter and was the most horrific thing I had ever read. Because Christopher was
born at 26 weeks they didnt class him as being a person. They didnt say for sure what had happened
to him but it was suggested that he was incinerated at the hospital. Makes me very sad just writing
this now. I pictured my baby boy being put in a bag and burned along with amputated limbs and
things removed in operations. This letter was so cold and callous, I was so hurt and angry and even
guilty, why had I let this happen.
The letter hurt so much that i could not follow it up because I didnt want to know anymore horrific
details.
Now I feel like I abandoned Christopher, he called me and I didnt go. I would just like him to know
he wasnt a nothing, he was my only son and I am devastated that I didnt go with my instinct, I didnt
go to my son when he called.
Now on sites like this I read that these days it is quite normal to hold the baby and even take him
or her home for the day. Mums have pictures to frame and graves to visit. Coming on this site makes
my Christopher a person, my son. I see you all call him by his name when all these years if he was
talked about he was "that baby you lost". HE IS CHRISTOPHER JAMES!
So unfair......I feel so angry and so sad thirty years after.. life goes on I know and I went on to
have five daughters total. They are all lovely and I love them all so much, also have ten
grandchildren all lovely too. But one little boy called Christopher who weighed 1lb 9oz will always
be in my heart.
Thank you for listening,,, I have wanted to get that lot out for years. Many thanks.xxxxx
♥I Hear Each Tear♥
My Mom doesn't know I'm watching her
but I'm watching her just the same.
And I hear each tear fall on her face
at the mention of my name.
She says it sounds like music to her ears
and be heard over a crowd.
Oh, I hear each tear fall on her face,
when my name is said aloud.
I watch her stumble through each day
as she wishes the day would end.
And I hear each tear fall on her face
as she talks of me with her friends.
But there are few who truly understand.
Oh this I've heard her proclaim.
And I hear each tear fall on her face.
Will my Mom ever be the same?
I know that her smile can light up a sky,
But I don't see that smile today.
Oh, but I hear each tear fall on her face,
her blue skies have turned to grey.
Oh I send to her my warmest hug
with the rays of the morning sun.
Then I won't hear a tear fall on her face,
for I shall erase them one by one.
Yes, my Mom doesn't know I'm watching her,
but I'm watching her just the same.
And if I hear a tear fall on her face
I'll just softly whisper her name.
(Kay Des'Ormeaux)
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ
In The Light.
A shadow of joy flickered, it is me.
I told you I wouldn't leave.
My spirit is with you.
My memories, my thoughts are embedded deep in your heart.
I still love you.
Do not for one moment think that you have been abandoned.
I am in the Light.
In the corner, in the hall, the car, the yard...
these are the places I stay with you.
My spirit rises every time you pray for me,
but my energy comes closer to you.
Love does not diminish, it grows stronger.
I am the feather that finds you in the yard,
the dimmed light that grows brighter in your mind.
I place our memories for you to see.
We lived in our special way, a way that now has it's focus changed.
I still crave your understanding and long for the
many words of prayer and good fortune for my soul.
I am in the Light.
As you struggle to adjust without me, I watch silently.
Sometimes, I summon up all the strength of my new world
to make you notice me.
Impressed by your grief,
I try to impress my love deeper into your consciousness.
As you should, I call out to the Heaven's for help.
You should know that the fountain of youth does exist.
My soul is now healthy.
Your love sends me new found energy.
I am adjusting to this new world.
I am with you and I am in the Light.
Please don't feel bad that you can't see me.
I am with you wherever you go.
Talk to me and somehow I will find a way to answer you.
Mother, Father, son or daughter, it makes no difference.
Brother, sister, lover, husband or wife, it makes no difference.
Whatever our connection - friend or even foe - I see you with my new eyes.
I am learning to help wherever you are,
wherever I am needed.
This can be done because I am in the Light.
When you feel despair, reach out to me.
I will come.
Our love for you truly does transcend from Heaven to Earth.
Finish your life with the enthusiasm and zest that you had
when we were together in the physical sense.
You owe this to me, but more importantly, you owe it to yourself.
Life continues for both of us.
I am with you because I love you and I am in the Light.
(Author Unknown)
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ
❁ Heaven and Earth ❁
♥When the warmth of the sun touches my face,
♥I see your smile and feel your embrace.
♥I hear the whisper of love in the wind
♥And I know that you are close to me again.
♥The rain speaks of tears, the thunder of pain,
♥But soon the sun comes the earth to reclaim.
♥As the days come and go and the world moves on,
♥I know you're still here, you'll never be gone.
♥On the night the Angel came and took your hand,
♥We cried as you left for an unknown land.
♥But Heaven rejoiced as you came into sight.
♥For your soul was a diamond, shining so bright!
Written by Karen McCombs
•♥ The Messenger ♥•
Written by Kirsti (Angel scribe)
From an Angel on high
a tender message of love was softly whispered into the ear
of this humble scribe....
○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○
Weep not for me
now that I have passed.
Remember the laughter, the affection, the joy
not just the recent tears.
Cherish the memories, our hopes and dreams.
Hold fast to the love that we shared.
Be happy with the time we spent together
and being anew.
For I am not really gone,
I am closer than ever before.
As the morning sun rises
and throughout the busy day...I am with you.
Until the setting sun disappears on the horizon
and we watch the day turn into night...I am here.
You may feel a faint breeze stir round your head, while you slumber
as I gently kiss your forehead, "Good night."
The stars that shine so brightly in my heavenly sky
help me watch over you and keep you from harm.
I am the wind in the trees
and the song of a bird.
I am moonbeams in a midnight sky
and a glorious rainbow after the storm.
I am morning dew
and freshly-fallen snow.
I am a butterfly flying overhead
and a puppy happily at play.
I am a smile on a stranger's face
a gentle touch
a warm embrace.
Listen to the wind for my message of love.
Watch the sun rise and set in the sky with me.
Feel my essence encircle you with warm memories.
Open your heart to know...I am not gone.
Reach deep into your soul...You will find me.
I am here.
Have no fear.
I am with you,
Always.
○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○
GOD,
*.*.*.OPENED
* ...*.*. THE WINDOWS
* * .* *.*.*.* OF HEAVEN.
.*) .*) *.*.*LOOKED AT ME
. (... *.*.*.**.*.*.*AND ASKED,
..*(...) .*.*.*.*.* **.*. *WHAT IS YOUR
* ....(...) * . * . * .* *PRAYER
* .*.. *....* (...) * .*FOR
.. *..(...). *....* .*TODAY?
.* ... *.... * *. * . * .**I
. * . * . . * . *.*. * . **ANSWERED:
__00000___00000 *.*. * .* .*GOD
_0000000_0000000. * . * .*TAKE
_0000 OOOO 00000. * . * .*CARE
__0000000000000 * . ** .*OF THE
___00000000000 * . *. * . * .*PERSON
_____0000000 * . *. * . ** *.*THAT
_______000 * . *. * * * .*.*IS
________0* . * .. ** .. * .*.*READING
. * .. ** .. * . * . * .* . *.*THIS
. * . (.. *** /) * .*.*MESSAGE
* . * ( ..(_)/ ) * * .BECAUSE
* . * (_ /|.. _) . **.* THIS PERSON IS
* . * . /___.. * . .* .*SO
. * * . * . * *SPECIAL
~~SENDING YOU ALL MY LOVE~~
♥Softly As We Leave You♥
(Author Unknown)
Life is so uncertain, this we all may know....
No one knows the time or day,
when they'll have to go.
Though now our time has come to leave you
to face this world alone...
These promises we make you,
to give you strength to carry on.
When the sunlight awakens you,
we'll be there too.
When the moon shines on your pillow...
we'll be shining on you.
We'll be in the cooling breeze,
as it rustles through the trees..
we'll be in the pouring rain,
as it hits your window pane.
When darkness dims your vision,
close your eyes and look above
we'll be standing right beside you.
You will always have our love
May peace and comfort be upon you..
hold close our memories
For in our hearts we know that
no matter where you go...
Is where we'll always be.
♥..*..♥..*..♥..*..♥..*..♥..*..♥..*..♥..*..♥..*..♥..*..♥..*..♥..*..♥..*..♥
The White Chariot
(Julie Johnson)
During your journey on your final flight home.
White wings will carry you and you will be flown.
To the pearly gates of Heaven, where they will usher you in.
To the feet of your Lord, your Saviour, and your friend.
He will hold you in his arms and the angels will sing.
As another one of His children is delivered by white wings.
♥..*..♥..*..♥..*..♥..*..♥..*..♥..*..♥..*..♥..*..♥..*..♥..*..♥..*..♥..*..♥
*♥* *♥* *♥* *♥* *♥* *♥* *♥* *♥* *♥* *♥* *♥* *♥*
~ In My Mind (by Jenn Farrell) ~
Somewhere in my dreams tonight
I'll see you standing there,
You look at me with a smile
"Life isn't always fair."
You say you were chosen for His garden
His preciously hand picked bouquet,
"God really needed me
That's why I couldn't stay."
It's said to be that angels
Are sent from above,
I've always had my angel
Whose heart was filled with love.
Wherever the ocean meets the sky,
There will be memories of you and I.
When I look up at that sky so blue,
All I see are visions of you.
"While there's a heart in me, you'll be a part of me."
*♥* *♥* *♥* *♥* *♥* *♥* *♥* *♥* *♥* *♥* *♥* *♥*
✝•♥•✞•✝•♥•✞•✝•♥•✞•✝•♥•✞•✝•♥•✞•✝•♥•✞
♥ The Promise ♥
(by Diane Robertson)
Of angel wings and heavenly things
There’s very little known,
For those who have the answers
Are, forever, from us gone.
Life in the hereafter,
In faith, I must accept;
Thoughts that trouble not the people
With families still intact.
But, those of us who’ve travelled
Down the lonely path of grief,
Are forever seeking answers
To the riddle, which is life.
We trek through shadowed forests
Past the ugly shroud of death,
Toward a promise for the future
Of a kinder, better place.
So, we look to see the angel wings
And listen for the hymn
That God will send to guide us
When we leave to be with Him.
✝•♥•✞•✝•♥•✞•✝•♥•✞•✝•♥•✞•✝•♥•✞•✝•♥•✞
❤•❧•❣•♡•♥•❦•❥•❤•❧•❣•♡•♥•❦•❥•
❁ The Tapestry of Life ❁
(Author Unknown)
"Tis said that old Time is a shuttle,
Swift weaving the web of our days;
In and out fly fast speeding moments
Thro' the warp and the wool of earth's maze.
***************************************
At times all the colors seem sombre,
Again there are dashes of bright;
Anon all life's threads knot and tangle,
And only defects meet our sight,
***************************************
Full often we stand and in wonder
We gaze at the unveiling loom,
Which hides the design of the fabric
Until we have reached the dark tomb.
***************************************
Only this do we know that the groundwork,
Thro' which the bright colors are twined,
Is woven of charity's fibers,
Which serve the threads closely to bind.
***************************************
And when the last thread has been broken,
And the loom is forever at rest,
We shall see that our life's great Designer,
Knew what for His children was best.
❤•❧•❣•♡•♥•❦•❥•❤•❧•❣•♡•♥•❦•❥•
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