| Location | Accrington, Lancashire |
| Age | 0 |
| Cause of Death | Still Birth |
| Date of Birth | 17/12/1978 |
| Date of Death | 17/12/1978 |
| Visitors | 2,138 since 14/02/2008 |
| Creator |
CHRISTOPHER AND I WOULD LIKE TO SAY A BIG THANKYOU TO ALL OF YOU WHO REGULARLY COME HERE AND LIGHT A
CANDLE. MANY MANY THANKS FRIENDS XXX Special thanks to Dot for keeping Christophers candles burning
xx
Tiny Angel
Tiny Angel rest your wings
sit with me for awhile.
How I long to hold your hand,
And see your tender smile.
Tiny Angel, look at me,
I want this image clear....
That I will forget your precious face
Is my one and only fear.
Tiny Angel tell me please,
Why you went away?
You were not here for very long....
Why is it, you couldn't stay?
Tiny Angel shook her head,
"These things I do not know....
But I do know that you love me,
And that I love you so".
MY STORY
My Baby Christopher was a six month gestation baby. He arrived early the week before Christmas of
1978.
He had three sisters at the time but now has five. Joanne, Lisa, Emily, Lucy and Danielle. Ten
nephews and nieces, Grandma and Grandad and Uncles and Aunties.
I think a lot of people have forgotton about little Christopher and he lives on in my heart only, he
was my only son but he was called back to God.
If he can get messages somehow I would like him to know that I think about him a lot and will never
forget the day he arrived and left........
In April 1978 I gave birth to my daughter Emily, she was perfect and beautiful. She is my third
daughter. Whilst in hospital I was told that I was not immune to Rubella, so I was given a
vaccination and told that I must not get pregnant within three months. I remember laughing at that
comment and saying "No Way".
Two months later, you guessed it, I was pregnant! Such a shock but hey, I'm a mum that’s all I
wanted to be, so one more is no problem. Then I remembered about the doctor's warning. I saw a
specialist who checked with the drug company who said that two months is the absolute limit to get
pregnant after the vaccination. I worked out that I got pregnant dead on two months. The specialist
told me that he thought it was a better option to have a abortion. I was around 24 weeks pregnant by
that time. Being very naive and not realising that I had a voice, opinion or rights I just cried
thinking that this is what I have to do. I was heartbroken, I could feel the baby inside me moving
around, how could I let it die? The doctor saw how upset I was and said I could carry on with the
pregnancy if I want to. It was like a reprieve to me and the baby. I was warned that the baby could
be deaf, blind or brain damaged. I would face that when it came, we cant pick and chose a perfect
baby, somebody has to love and care for the imperfect.
Almost a week before christmas at 26 weeks pregnant my waters broke. I didn’t know what it was
really as I had not experience it with the other babies. I called the doctor who came out and he
just told me to "play it by ear, carry on as normal".
I was in the supermarket the same day and bumped into the midwife. When I explained the story to her
she told me that I should be in bed and the waters may just replace themselves. But as a mother of
three children, going to bed was quite impossible. If i had known then what I know now I would have
made sure that I went to bed.
Two nights later as I was in bed I started to gasp for breath and had no energy to stand. My Mum was
staying and she held me while my husband called an ambulance.
At the hospital it was discovered that the placenta had broke away from the wall of the womb which
was causing bleeding. I was being monitored and checked regularly and midwife's listening to my
baby's heartbeat said it was a good strong beat.
I was drifting in and out of consciousness for what seemed like an eternity but was actually thirty
hours. They told me I was in labour but I only had back ache.
On Sunday afternoon 17th December 1978 I was told to push. I felt this feeling of something coming
out of my body, then lay back, turned my head to the door just to see it swinging to. I knew then
that was my baby in the arms of the nurse.
I cant remember feeling anything when I found out that the baby was a boy but he never breathed. I
was numb.
I do remember later the nurse asking me if I wanted to "see it". The biggest mistake I would ever
make in my life was to say no. I only said no because I thought that they would think I was weird. I
was always the person to think what other people would think. Now I wouldn’t give two hoots what
anyone thought.
Now I am so full of regret that I didn’t hold my baby Christopher in my arms and say goodbye. I
would have liked to see what he looked like and have a picture that I could keep in my heart
forever.
I have lately read that these days if your baby is stillborn you can have them for as long as
necessary and take them home even. I wish with all my heart that this had been made possible for
me.
Also, in those days, being young and naive I did not know what a 26 week fetus would look like and
you do not imagine for a minute that it is a perfectly formed little baby.
After that door swung to and my baby was gone I was taken to the new baby ward, I was in a cubicle
on my own but through the partition was a lady with twin boys, I could see through the frosted glass
she was sitting holding her babies and would get visitors cooing and ahhhing. I dont think that it
had sunk in that I wasnt pregnant anymore and my baby was not there.
I remember my Mum coming to see me and i smiled at her happily and said "Its a boy" I was so amazed
the baby was a boy.
I was next to that lady with twins for about three days before I was sent home.
On the day I was leaving the hospital as I walked down the corridor towards the exit, I felt a
pulling back, it was so strong the need to go back but I didnt realise what it was. I got outside
and was made to turn around and look back. Without realising it i was being pulled back, I had
forgotton something important, the pull was so strong. Being the people pleaser I am, I didnt want
to keep my parents waiting so I got in the car and we drove away.
I believe now it was Christopher pulling me back, how I wish I'd have turned back now and ran back
to him.
Because Christopher was born at 26 weeks there would be no funeral. Two weeks later and there would
have been. So that was it. Baby delivered, baby dead, go home and move on. I was told that I had
three lovely children at home. As if that made up for the little boy that didnt make it.
When I got home I was soon back into being Mum and cleaning and cooking. I cried a lot and couldnt
go out sometimes.
A few days after I got home a midwife turned up at the door and breezed in the house asking "Hows
Mum and Baby then"? I had to tell her that there was no baby. She was so apologetic, but it should
never have happened.
When my life was getting back to some sort of normality, I started to wonder what had happened to
Christopher. I wrote to the hospital asking where his body was taken. Someone had told me that they
sometimes put them in the coffin with someone else that had died. If this was the case I wanted to
know where he was. I needed a grave, I needed to visit and be close to him.
The reply came by letter and was the most horrific thing I had ever read. Because Christopher was
born at 26 weeks they didnt class him as being a person. They didnt say for sure what had happened
to him but it was suggested that he was incinerated at the hospital. Makes me very sad just writing
this now. I pictured my baby boy being put in a bag and burned along with amputated limbs and
things removed in operations. This letter was so cold and callous, I was so hurt and angry and even
guilty, why had I let this happen.
The letter hurt so much that i could not follow it up because I didnt want to know anymore horrific
details.
Now I feel like I abandoned Christopher, he called me and I didnt go. I would just like him to know
he wasnt a nothing, he was my only son and I am devastated that I didnt go with my instinct, I didnt
go to my son when he called.
Now on sites like this I read that these days it is quite normal to hold the baby and even take him
or her home for the day. Mums have pictures to frame and graves to visit. Coming on this site makes
my Christopher a person, my son. I see you all call him by his name when all these years if he was
talked about he was "that baby you lost". HE IS CHRISTOPHER JAMES!
So unfair......I feel so angry and so sad thirty years after.. life goes on I know and I went on to
have five daughters total. They are all lovely and I love them all so much, also have ten
grandchildren all lovely too. But one little boy called Christopher who weighed 1lb 9oz will always
be in my heart.
Thank you for listening,,, I have wanted to get that lot out for years. Many thanks.xxxxx
"Then the child opened its eyes, and looked up into the angel's beautiful face, which beamed with happiness, and at the same moment they were in heaven, where joy and bliss reigned. The child received wings like the other angel, and they flew about together, hand in hand."
By Hans Christian Andersen
~ Snow ~
(Tessa Wilkinson)
The snow arrived unannounced.
It overwhelmed everything.
Changed the landscape so it was unrecognisable.
No one was prepared.
My grief feels like that snowstorm.
I feel changed, weighed down by the burden.
Trying to negotiate the new environment around me.
Not knowing where I am going.
Looking for familiar landmarks.
I feel cold and miserable and ill equipped in this new place unvisited before.
But I know in time the snow will melt and return the landscape to some semblance of normality.
And I know in time my grief will diminish and I will find my way forward again, back to a world that I recognise, changed, but familiar.
Spring does always come after winter and hope will return.
Love to you Carole. xxx
~ Stillborn ~
(The Death of my Grandchild)
By Barbara W. Laughland, Billerica, Massachusetts, June 1991
This tiny soul has returned from whence it came,
Back to the shadow side to await rebirth.
Unborn, untried in this earthly plane of light and pain,
Your little form,
so perfect to behold,
was already deeply loved.
Many new threads had been added
to the tapestry of this waiting family.
I touch you with my heart,
and hold you,
This child of spirit,
In my memory for all my days.
•:*:• •:*:• •:*:• •:*:••:*:••:*: ••:*:• •:*•:*:• •:*:• •:*:• •:*:•
♥ From Water Bug to Dragonfly ♥
(Tessa Wilkinson)
The bottom of the pond is muddy and dark
There is fear of the unknown
There is loneliness as things change
There is the desperation of being left behind
Not knowing, not understanding
Watching and waiting
Then the journey comes
Up the stem
What waits beyond?
Sunlight
Freedom
Dancing together in joy with those who went before
And who will come after.
•:*:• •:*:• •:*:• •:*:••:*:••:*: ••:*:• •:*•:*:• •:*:• •:*:• •:*:•
✻ ❃ ✻ ❃ ✻ ❃ ✻ ❃ ✻ ❃ ✻ ❃ ✻ ❃
It’s amazing what can truly happen,
How your life can be so grand;
When you give up trying on your own
And let an angel hold your hand.
All the loneliness inside of you
Will completely disappear;
When you realize you’re not alone,
That your angel is very near.
Your life will become more meaningful,
As well as totally rearrange;
You’ll be amazed at all that you can do,
At the blessings of the change.
You will be able to handle anything,
There is nothing you can’t face;
With your angel there to lead you
Your entire life will fall in place.
Just give up trying on your own,
And allow your angel to lead;
All of Heaven’s blessings will come to you,
Nothing else you’ll ever need.
No matter what you are called to do,
How simple or complex the task;
Your angel will be there to show the way,
All you have to do is ask.
Don’t ever let yourself feel discouraged,
Feel this thought within your soul;
All the things you’ve ever dreamed of
Will become a reachable goal.
So let your angel hold your hand,
Your life will be so complete;
Prepare to conquer the tasks of life,
There will be no battle you can’t defeat.
✻ ❃ ✻ ❃ ✻ ❃ ✻ ❃ ✻ ❃ ✻ ❃ ✻ ❃
unknown
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Tributes For This Week Starting 19th October
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FOR MONDAY
Your gentle face and patient smile
With sadness we recall
You had a kindly word for each
And died beloved by all.
FOR TUESDAY
Your life was a blessing
Your memory a treasure...
You are loved beyond words
And missed beyond measure...
FOR WEDNESDAY
We miss you now, our hearts are sore,
As time goes by we miss you more,
Your loving smile, your gentle face,
No one can fill your vacant place.
FOR THURSDAY
Looking back with memories,
Upon the path you trod,
We bless the hours we had with you,
And leave the rest with God.
FOR FRIDAY
ROSES GROW IN HEAVEN
If Roses grow in Heaven,
Lord please pick a bunch for me
Place them in my Loved ones arms
And tell them they're from me
Tell them I love and miss them
And when they turn to smile
Place a kiss upon their cheeks
And hold them for awhile
Because remembering them is easy,
I do it every day
But there's an ache within my heart
Because I am missing them today...
FOR SATURDAY
I AM WITH YOU ALWAYS
As you hold me close in memory,
Even though we are apart,
My spirit will live on,
There within your heart .
I am with you always.
When you lean on trusted friends
And their caring hugs enfold you,
Within their loving arms,
I'll be there to hold you.
I am with you always.
And beyond the far horizon
When we'll finally be together,
Where love will be eternal
And life will last forever.
I am with you always.
FOR SUNDAY
TRUE LOVE
You were a gift sent straight from Heaven.
Given to us from God above.
We didn't know how much you would teach us
About the meaning of true love...
For true love sometimes means letting go
Of someone precious and dear.
That is what we were forced to do...
Although we wanted to keep you here!!!
However, this is quite a selfish wish.
One we know we should ignore...
But, sweet angel, we truly do believe
That God must have needed you more...
Perhaps to be an Angel now,
Full of wisdom and love...
Watching over those of us who love you
From the shining stars above.
We miss you more than you can know.
You will never be replaced...
In our hearts and memories forever,
Will be your sweet and innocent sleeping face.
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Thoughts Today, Memories Forever
Angela Christopher’s Very Proud Mum
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*♥* *♥* *♥* *♥* *♥* *♥* *♥* *♥* *♥* *♥*
~ Immeasurable (by Sean Ashcroft) ~
Laughter will still sound,
even though you’re gone.
But the decibels will dip,
with some smiles, painted on.
Hopes will still soar,
dreams float on high.
But the altitude will drop,
as will the supply.
Passion will still drive us,
desire wave us off.
But the revs will decline
and the engine might cough.
Time will be bejewelled,
lives lit by waltzing light.
But the carats will diminish,
its brilliance a lesser sight.
Yet memories have no volume,
love no mass nor weight.
These will broaden, widen, deepen,
a true measure of something great.
*♥* *♥* *♥* *♥* *♥* *♥* *♥* *♥* *♥* *♥*
♥ TIME WILL EASE THE HURT ♥
♥ by Bruce B. Wilmer ♥
♥ The sadness of the present days ♥
♥ Is locked and set in time, ♥
♥ And meaning to the future ♥
♥ Is a slow and painful climb. ♥
♥ But all the feelings that are now ♥
♥ So vivid and so real ♥
♥ Can't hold their fresh intensity ♥
♥ As time begins to heal. ♥
♥ No wound so deep will ever go ♥
♥ Entirely away; ♥
♥ Yet every hurt becomes ♥
♥ A little less from day to day. ♥
♥ Nothing can erase the painful ♥
♥ Imprints on your mind; ♥
♥ But there are softer memories ♥
♥ That time will let you find. ♥
♥ Though your heart won't let the sadness ♥
♥ Simply slide away, ♥
♥ The echoes will diminish ♥
♥ Even though the memories stay. ♥
✝•♥•✞•✝•♥•✞•✝•♥•✞•✝•♥•✞•✝•♥•✞•✝•♥•✞
~ LIKE ~
Clear like a raindrop, fresh and pure
Warm as a ray shone from the sun
Lost like a seashell on the shore
Small like a number in a sum
Perfect like a petal on a flower
Shiny as a glint upon the snow
Fast like a minute in an hour
Cold as the breeze in winds that blow
Cute as a freckle on a face
Light like a beam down from the moon
Delicate as a pattern stitched in lace
Sadness in a memory gone too soon
Tiny as a speckle in the sand
Pure like a reflection on a lake
Identity in the lines upon a hand
Innocent as the goodness in a sake
Fresh as the bud that's born to bloom
Lonely as a note without a song
Sorrow for our babe that's gone too soon
Forever your memory will shine on
- Victoria Dixon - 12/01/04
✝•♥•✞•✝•♥•✞•✝•♥•✞•✝•♥•✞•✝•♥•✞•✝•♥•✞
♥ .•**•.. ♥ ♥ .•**•.. ♥ ♥ .•**•.. ♥ ♥ .•**•.. ♥ ♥ .•**•.. ♥ ♥ .•**•.. ♥
~~ The Ascending ~~
(by Kahlil Gibran)
I have passed a mountain peak and my soul is soaring in the
Firmament of complete and unbound freedom;
I am far, far away, my companions, and the clouds are
Hiding the hills from my eyes.
The valleys are becoming flooded with an ocean of silence, and the
Hands of oblivion are engulfing the roads and the houses;
The prairies and fields are disappearing behind a white specter
That looks like the spring cloud, yellow as the candlelight
And red as the twilight.
The songs of the waves and the humans of the streams
Are scattered, and the voices of the throngs reduced to silence;
And I can hear naught but the music of Eternity
In exact harmony with the spirit's desires.
I am cloaked in full whiteness;
I am in comfort; I am in peace.
♥ .•**•.. ♥ ♥ .•**•.. ♥ ♥ .•**•.. ♥ ♥ .•**•.. ♥ ♥ .•**•.. ♥ ♥ .•**•.. ♥
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